Final days: Lizardcaster Auction!

United Kingdom: TOUR DATES!
Alien Replicants: Destroy the World...

Dear Shape-Shifting Lizard Replicants from Outer-Space...

We appreciate how well your long-term invasion of Earth has been unfolding of late. Kudos!

A few questions...

MOON-BASED MIND-CONTROL RAY— Are we experiencing 'break-through' unfettered thoughts and ‘realities? For example: your thousand-fold fleet of inter-dimensional time-jumping ships filling our skies are as invisible to us as ever except when we stare briefly at cellular transmission towers disguised as pine trees.

ILLUMINATI MEETINGS— Why must monthly secret meetings of the global illuminati always be held in caves? Older, male attendees in hooded robes offer no complaints, but younger female illuminati in traditional torn lamb-skin bikinis often find these gatherings drafty. Also, candle blow-out can awaken sleeping deep-vein cave kraken. Further: must I drink blood when in attendance or may I bring a beverage of my own choice in a discreet container?

HOLLOW-EARTH DINOSAURS— When are the ‘old ones' coming out of hiding? Should I move large vehicles out of the way now?

ZOMBIES— Will you be turning us into them?

EASTER ISLAND— Why did you place Moai statues with eyes facing inward away from the sea? Does the skunk living under my porch know the answer?  What about the cat next door who stares derisively at all my attempts at yard work?

TOTAL OBLITERATION OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION— how would you rate the progress of Earth invasion? On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being “It’s Shredding!” and 1 being, “Disappointed in human-abductee feedback and wish to return to home planet if only it had not exploded.” Where do you think the project is right now? Also, do you feel safe at home?

xo Rennie & Brett

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... INCLUDING thoughts    
on parsley, wildebeests, pyramid magic and